the first day of the rest of my life

I know, it's a pretty cliché phrase to use. But how many people can pinpoint it? It was February 21st, 2011.

Let's back up. I started doing stand up comedy in 2005. It was the next natural step in a lifelong transformation- from a quiet, reserved kid to an irrepressible loudmouth. I still don't have the vocal chords or vox stamina for the amount of talking I've been doing- I feel like this is a vestige of my reticent childhood, the dust shaking from the remarks I would've kept to myself in the past.

But in '05 I was ready to try and connect with people. It went okay- I was a Creative Writing major at the time, I worked on my material with a vague studiousness. But I wasn't confident about it, I wasn't fearless.

So my life went on. I drifted out of a relationship, I got downsized from a job that might've been a career if I wanted to apply myself. But that's the problem with me, or it always was. A lack of application.

I went a few years without performing, but comedy never left my mind entirely. I worked a third shift job for a year and two months, and then I started to feel an itch. A burning pilot light, maybe.

I scouted out a competition held by the Caste of Killers (veritable heroes of the Milwaukee scene) in January, and the light turned into a small campfire. The last time around I bought a 4-pack of pocket notebooks from a convenience store. I couldn't find the one I was using. I did find an unstarted little green one.

I wrote down some things. On February 21st, I went to Carte Blanche studios and told jokes again.

I know it sounds like I'm romanticizing my struggle or something- it was a much quieter revolution than it seems. It's easier to mark a turning point in your life when you write down the date in a little green notebook, sure, but I can't even tell you how great the sense of 'before' and 'after' is from my point of view.

Because here's the thing: I'm trying now. I'm trying as hard as I can. And even if it takes forever, even if it never goes anywhere or amounts to anything, even as it leaves me weary and sleepless and willing to leave everything behind, it's worth it.

I'm applying myself. It's a first.

So hey, I'm Duncan Carson. I'm a comedian. Nice to meet you.